A girl is taking a hot bath on a nice night. When she gets out of the tub, she's frightened by a group of people holding a birthday cake in a dark closet. But instead of getting pissed off, she wonders if they would all have liked presents too.
Today I'm 40!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Muscles muscles everywhere
I wasn't really sure I wanted to blog about this, but I decided "What the hell." It wasn't like I had visited a strip club and watched nubile bimbos frolicking in cherry jello, right?
I just went to a WWE event. That's World Wrestling Entertainment in case you didn't know -- uh huh, pro wrestling. More than half of it is totally fake and I don't even care, you know why?
First of all, there are amazingly muscular men flinging each other around like rag dolls. Most of them aren't so bad looking. You know, really, a couple of them are down-right hotties. And don't take MY word for it. There are plenty of other women in the audience who think so too. Here are just a few reasons why women would subject ourselves to 3 hours of such a display of testosterone: John Cena, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, and Brian Kendrick.
Also, they give money away to their fans!!! Sure, contests and sweepstakes aren't anything new but WWE owner, Vince McMahon, is unloading MILLIONS every week! How's that marketing ploy for capturing loyalty?
Did I mention there are hot, toned men?
And finally, something many people might not know, it's one giant sports soap opera! Who'da thunk it? Back stabbers and rivalries and bastard children interwoven into this sweaty mess. So the next time someone gives you grief for watching daytime television, grab your championship belt, and give em the old pedigree or figure 4!!
I just went to a WWE event. That's World Wrestling Entertainment in case you didn't know -- uh huh, pro wrestling. More than half of it is totally fake and I don't even care, you know why?
First of all, there are amazingly muscular men flinging each other around like rag dolls. Most of them aren't so bad looking. You know, really, a couple of them are down-right hotties. And don't take MY word for it. There are plenty of other women in the audience who think so too. Here are just a few reasons why women would subject ourselves to 3 hours of such a display of testosterone: John Cena, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, and Brian Kendrick.
Also, they give money away to their fans!!! Sure, contests and sweepstakes aren't anything new but WWE owner, Vince McMahon, is unloading MILLIONS every week! How's that marketing ploy for capturing loyalty?
Did I mention there are hot, toned men?
And finally, something many people might not know, it's one giant sports soap opera! Who'da thunk it? Back stabbers and rivalries and bastard children interwoven into this sweaty mess. So the next time someone gives you grief for watching daytime television, grab your championship belt, and give em the old pedigree or figure 4!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Kick off your Sunday shoes
I have horrible feet. I can't remember a time I've haven't ever thought so. They're about one size too long for my height, and plenty of other angst-causing flaws that I won't go in to because it's just too much information. So I cope the best way I know how. I ignore them.
Most of the time, this situation works well enough. I keep the nails tidy and painted, they get washed every morning in the shower and that's that. But then Summer rolls around and out come the flip flops and slides and sandals and my toes are peeking through, getting some sunshine and we're all happy for about a week.
Then my heels get dry and start to crack. I've endured the searing pain of fissures before and I don't want them again. The problem is, I'm highly allergic to most of the drugstore creams and remedies. I'll break out in hives around my ankles because of the fragrance or one of the ingredients. Sometimes the smell of the product is so very bad that my dogs and cats try covering up my feet in protest!
I Googled for a scentless homeopathic remedy and got a plethora of information about how to take care of my tootsies. Some of it was stuff I knew already (Well if you already knew it, then why haven't you done it? -- I'm LAZY, that's why!) and some of it was new and quite "interesting."
For example:
Never wear shoes with wet legs and never wear wet soaks. [sic] Uh huh, just for the record, I rarely run around with wet legs and I think if you're soaked, you might as well take off all your clothes and shoes anyway.
Walk on the grass barefoot early in the morning. It rejuvenates the feet and improves eyesight. Well, I never knew my feet could see. Maybe that's why they're cracked, they can't see themselves!
I did find a suggestion for wrapping my heels in Vaseline and Saran Wrap at night, which was guaranteed to soften up the dry skin after a few consecutive times. Either that, or the next post will be about how I ended up with a fractured arm from sliding down the hallway because I forgot to unwrap the gooey mess before I got out of bed!
Most of the time, this situation works well enough. I keep the nails tidy and painted, they get washed every morning in the shower and that's that. But then Summer rolls around and out come the flip flops and slides and sandals and my toes are peeking through, getting some sunshine and we're all happy for about a week.
Then my heels get dry and start to crack. I've endured the searing pain of fissures before and I don't want them again. The problem is, I'm highly allergic to most of the drugstore creams and remedies. I'll break out in hives around my ankles because of the fragrance or one of the ingredients. Sometimes the smell of the product is so very bad that my dogs and cats try covering up my feet in protest!
I Googled for a scentless homeopathic remedy and got a plethora of information about how to take care of my tootsies. Some of it was stuff I knew already (Well if you already knew it, then why haven't you done it? -- I'm LAZY, that's why!) and some of it was new and quite "interesting."
For example:
Never wear shoes with wet legs and never wear wet soaks. [sic] Uh huh, just for the record, I rarely run around with wet legs and I think if you're soaked, you might as well take off all your clothes and shoes anyway.
Walk on the grass barefoot early in the morning. It rejuvenates the feet and improves eyesight. Well, I never knew my feet could see. Maybe that's why they're cracked, they can't see themselves!
I did find a suggestion for wrapping my heels in Vaseline and Saran Wrap at night, which was guaranteed to soften up the dry skin after a few consecutive times. Either that, or the next post will be about how I ended up with a fractured arm from sliding down the hallway because I forgot to unwrap the gooey mess before I got out of bed!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Mama said knock you out
I had a lovely Mother's Day weekend. Did you?
My son and I went to the movies to see Iron Man. It's totally worth the ridiculous movie house prices, y'all. It's got many, many superhero-themed movies beat down! BLAMMO -- Into the ground!
Except maybe the new Batman movie, which also looks quite tantalizing.
My son and I went to the movies to see Iron Man. It's totally worth the ridiculous movie house prices, y'all. It's got many, many superhero-themed movies beat down! BLAMMO -- Into the ground!
Except maybe the new Batman movie, which also looks quite tantalizing.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Tasty treat
I enjoy watching tv shows online. I can't wait for Fridays because I can watch LOST and Grey's Anatomy on the ABC website. Similarly, on Tuesdays I got hooked watching NBC's Medium.
The other day, I was on YouTube just looking for various clips and I stumbled onto a link for Hulu, where my dear friends, you can watch various tv shows AND movies for FREE -- that's zilch, nada, nothing. And it's also practically commercial free too.
Wow, that was like setting a 2 pound box of Godiva chocolate in front of me and telling me to eat all I want because it was calorie-free!!!
Mmmm, Hulu.
The other day, I was on YouTube just looking for various clips and I stumbled onto a link for Hulu, where my dear friends, you can watch various tv shows AND movies for FREE -- that's zilch, nada, nothing. And it's also practically commercial free too.
Wow, that was like setting a 2 pound box of Godiva chocolate in front of me and telling me to eat all I want because it was calorie-free!!!
Mmmm, Hulu.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Besides, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it
Hello gentle reader! I'll be casting my blog into the sea of millions of others today.
I can't promise I'll be funny, witty or worth your time, but I will be myself. So when you've spent your day reading and rereading all of your favorite blogs and no one has updated in a few days because they're off filming interviews for TV, or promoting books, or becoming a celebrity, you can always turn to me.
I can't promise I'll be funny, witty or worth your time, but I will be myself. So when you've spent your day reading and rereading all of your favorite blogs and no one has updated in a few days because they're off filming interviews for TV, or promoting books, or becoming a celebrity, you can always turn to me.
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