Kick off your Sunday shoes

I have horrible feet. I can't remember a time I've haven't ever thought so. They're about one size too long for my height, and plenty of other angst-causing flaws that I won't go in to because it's just too much information. So I cope the best way I know how. I ignore them.

Most of the time, this situation works well enough. I keep the nails tidy and painted, they get washed every morning in the shower and that's that. But then Summer rolls around and out come the flip flops and slides and sandals and my toes are peeking through, getting some sunshine and we're all happy for about a week.

Then my heels get dry and start to crack. I've endured the searing pain of fissures before and I don't want them again. The problem is, I'm highly allergic to most of the drugstore creams and remedies. I'll break out in hives around my ankles because of the fragrance or one of the ingredients. Sometimes the smell of the product is so very bad that my dogs and cats try covering up my feet in protest!

I Googled for a scentless homeopathic remedy and got a plethora of information about how to take care of my tootsies. Some of it was stuff I knew already (Well if you already knew it, then why haven't you done it? -- I'm LAZY, that's why!) and some of it was new and quite "interesting."

For example:

Never wear shoes with wet legs and never wear wet soaks. [sic] Uh huh, just for the record, I rarely run around with wet legs and I think if you're soaked, you might as well take off all your clothes and shoes anyway.

Walk on the grass barefoot early in the morning. It rejuvenates the feet and improves eyesight. Well, I never knew my feet could see. Maybe that's why they're cracked, they can't see themselves!

I did find a suggestion for wrapping my heels in Vaseline and Saran Wrap at night, which was guaranteed to soften up the dry skin after a few consecutive times. Either that, or the next post will be about how I ended up with a fractured arm from sliding down the hallway because I forgot to unwrap the gooey mess before I got out of bed!